“Coming Out” + Evolving My Personal Style

One of the big things to happen this year is that my 7 year bi-curious streak (read inability to find a woman who would kiss me) has ended and now I’m proudly and loudly bi-sexual.

Part of this journey has been to resolve a gender identity conflict that I have been negotiating for 20 odd years, ever since I was conscious of having to be someone’s definition of “girl.”

Elsewhere, I have outlined my emergence and evolution as a feminist. Suffice to say it had a lot to do with rejection of mainstream femininity.

Today I prefer to think of myself as ardhnareshwar – or half man. I love that here, woman is the principle from which man emerges – man emerges through differentiation – woman is the rule, the source of life, man the essential manifestation of feminine energy needed to keep the world going.

The Opposites (Artist Aparajita Barai)

This idea of being half man allows me to embrace my own spin on androgyny – which is that I am into both “chick” flicks and cheeseball action movies, flamenco and boxing, high heels and cafe racers, rum and rosé.

This helps me make sense of my attraction to lumberjack shirts and aversion to impractical women’s wear, especially those goshdarn kurtas and saris without pockets.

My personal style reflects this acceptance and understanding – I wear a silicon rod in one ear to symbolize my masculinity and kinkitude, and ear cuffs and twinkly stuff in the other for my femininity, my love of loving, etc.

Haircuts seem to soothe this transition from straight to bi-curious to bi-sexual for many women – I am no exception.

Chopping off my hair over two days was both cathartic and energizing… my fohawk now gets me enough and more attention from all the right people – women and men that like strong, vulnerable, adventurous women.


1) don’t be afraid to experiment

2) pay attention to how you look. It’s important to look and feel good, and its most important to look and feel like YOURSELF

3) if you haven’t got point number 2 figured out, come see me or my dear friend Suheena Arora at The Dresswali

Art work by Aparajita Barai. Find her and all relevant contact details here and here

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: