If you’ve found yourself chuckling at the popular “I drink green tea, light candles and meditate and still want to smack people sometimes”, this post is for you.
I have a temper. People who know me, know this all too well. I acknowledge this issue and work on it; I also accept that some of it goes back a couple generations and is deeply ingrained.
More importantly, I embrace emotion because having been depressed; I know that the inability to feel is the beginning of a problem that can get outsize faster than you can say “oh, damn.”
My anger keeps me real. My anger is like my period – it tells me I’m working okay on the inside, that I haven’t started to withdraw in dangerous ways, that I still give a shit, that my heart is still open to the world and the misery and hurt that comes with this openness.
Wait – a so called vipassi getting angry? A wannabe therapist losing her cool? What?
Yea man. We’ve got emotions. We’ve got so many, we landed ourselves in therapy.
Let’s get clear. Spiritual practice takes time. Self work is never ending. The day you attain enlightenment or the day you die, that’s when this work ends.
Yes, I meditate, dance and work on my self – and yes, I blow my fuse a lot and am rather impatient.
How to resolve this contradiction? IS there a contradiction?
I don’t think so. I think we breathe to bring ourselves back to equilibrium; and when we have gone some way in our practice, then to maintain it and fluctuate as little as possible. If we were not feeling, irrational beings, we would not need our breath.
1) meditate. Light those candles. Drink that green tea. And allow yourself to feel
2) more importantly, RELEASE your feelings as they surface. Don’t be pretending/wishing/drugging/medicating them away. Write/dance/shout them out (DO NOT HIT ANYONE) and then get back to zero using your breath
3) shrug off the pressure that comes with labeling yourself as a meditator/spiritual person/lalala. Save it. No one cares. Do what you gotta do to keep your BP in check.